Confidence Bound to Word
By David Shrum | Ascend Leadership & Development
Recently I walked alongside a team in a workshop I call Leading with Vision. In the prework, and first moments of the workshop participants were asked to explore where they wanted to see transformation in their leadership.
In the first group dialogue, one theme stood out: wanting more confidence.
This same theme has also been coming up with a handful of individuals I have the privilege of coaching. They want confidence. We all want confidence.
So I ask: How would you know you are confident?
The answers also have similar themes:
I’d be willing to have the tough conversations.
I’d give the answer I know, even if it isn’t what they want to hear.
I wouldn’t be afraid to ask the question I might not like the answer to.
I’d execute the tasks I know need to be done.
Like these leaders most of us have a running list of conversations, and to-dos that we’ve been tolerating as incomplete. We think if we could just locate that elusive pill bottle of confidence, pop the cap, and chase it with a gulp of courage, our list would begin to shrink.
But this isn’t how I have experienced confidence in my life. When I’ve experienced low levels of confidence it has correlated with long lists of things left undone.
Confidence as Chemistry
I’ve started thinking about confidence like a drug—or a neurotransmitter.
When our subconscious throws something up to our conscious mind for consideration, it usually falls into two categories:
Doing what we said we would do– maintained word
Not doing what we said we would do– broken word
When we experience maintaining our word, what binds to the receptor of our conscious minds is confidence. If we experience breaking our word, what binds to the receptor is doubt and justification.
The catch is doubt and justification have a higher affinity, so they adhere longer and take up more space than confidence does on our conscience.
So the next time we are confronted with options that lead to maintaining our word or breaking our word we often experience doubt and then excuses that come from why we can’t follow through with what we committed to doing .
Over time, we end up riddled with doubt and justification. We feel weighed down, frustrated, and start believing confidence is something we just “don’t have.” While it is accurate that we may be lacking it, the deeper truth is confidence hasn’t had a chance to bind because our consciousness has been occupied by mounting doubt.
The Remedy
The “fix” isn’t a one-and-done cure. Doubt and justification are going to show up again because we are humans who break committments—especially if we are aiming high in our vision. But the “fix” is like Narcan— it displaces the doubt and justification bound to the receptors and replaces it with opportunity.
Here’s what that looks like:
Recognize the broken commitments. Where did you not do what you said?
Why did I / we make the commitment(s)?
What was the impact? on others—and ourselves?
Get curious about rebuilding trust. What would it take?
Increase the opportunities for confidence.
I believe “step 5” happens by uncovering—or realigning to—a vision that makes getting under the bar actually worth it. Not just creating a checklist of “ought” and “ought-not”, but creating a thrilling vision for our lives. An experience big enough to require transformational growth.
The more times we’re faced with maintaining or breaking our word—and we choose maintaining—the more confidence binds.
This framework coinciding with a team that’s committed to helping us stay grounded in a:
Vision that produces passion
Mindset aligned to calling
Strategy built on integrity
Will help us multiply those opportunities to get under the bar.
Final Thought (for now)
Here’s what I’ve been asking my clients, my workshop groups—and myself:
What’s hanging out on the list of things we’ve been tolerating?
If they were a trail of breadcrumbs, what may they be leading to?
What would need to be experienced to make this list worth completing?
How—aligned to vision and mindset—might we create confidence?
Confidence isn’t a mood you hope shows up. It’s a choice bound to your word.