You Can’t Lead What You Don’t Understand: Why Great Leaders Start with Vision—Theirs and Their Team’s (Feedback pt. 1)

Introduction:
As a coach, one of the first things I discuss with clients is their vision—for themselves and for their organization. The same applies when stepping into a leadership role within a company. You need to understand what the team is building, what the organization is striving for, and whether the current culture is supporting that vision or undermining it.

I remember stepping into leadership and reading the organization’s mission and vision statements, wondering:

• What story are these words telling?

• Are they clear or convoluted?

• Does anyone actually believe in them, or are they just performative?

In my early leadership years, I believed that crafting clear mission and vision statements was critical to success—and I still do. But taking time to write and roll out visionary statements is just the first step. That’s often where managers and organizations stop. I’ve consistently seen—both in myself and other leaders—how much time and energy we pour into crafting these mission statements… only to be surprised when no one seems to follow them.

We make bold declarations, hand out swag, launch initiatives around “culture”—yet behind closed doors, there’s misalignment, frustration, even silent resentment.

Great teams work on aligning every system, meeting, role, and cultural touchpoint to that vision. But transformational leaders understand this: to lead effectively, it's not enough to know where the organization is going. You also have to know where everyone in the organization wants to go.

Because when the team isn’t meeting expectations, we know we need to get them back on track. When people aren’t performing in a way that moves the organization forward, we know it’s time to give feedback. But here’s the problem:
We often give feedback rooted in our vision—disconnected entirely from theirs.

Think About the Worst Gift You’ve Ever Received

Seriously—what was it?
How did it make you feel?
What did you think about the person who gave it to you?

A great gift meets two criteria:

• It’s given at the right time.

• It’s relevant to the recipient.

If a woman dreams of a quiet, intimate proposal and her partner pops the question on a Jumbotron, the issue isn’t the question “Will you marry me?”—it’s how and when it happened. The timing leaves her wondering: Does he even know me?

Same with feedback. If we’re not aligned to the other person’s vision, it lands like an avocado on Christmas morning:

“It’s an avocado… thanks.”

Feedback Requires Timing and Relevance

Before giving feedback, ask:

• “Hey, are you open to some feedback?”

• “I’ve got some feedback I’d love to share (or need to share)—would now be a good time, or would later be better?”

Yes, this might sound “soft.” I’ve worked in environments where this kind of language would’ve been laughed off. But it matters. Because people don’t perform based solely on tasks—they perform based on how the world occurs to them.

If someone isn’t open—or the feedback is misaligned with who they’re trying to become—it’ll likely be ignored or resisted. The feedback might be valid, but it won’t have its desired effect. It’ll be like giving an avocado on Christmas morning.

Now of course, there are times when urgent feedback is necessary. When my kids are running into the street, I’m not waiting for permission. Same goes for emergencies in my days on the ambulance. The key difference? Everyone in those situations was already aligned to the mission of saving lives. But most feedback isn’t happening in life-or-death moments. It’s happening during normal operations—and those moments deserve thoughtful delivery.

Lead People, Not Objects

If we give feedback that has nothing to do with the other person’s values or goals, we reduce them to instruments for our own outcomes. We stop seeing them as people—with needs, ambitions, and challenges.

When that internal mindset shift happens—when integrity breaks—we stop leading people and start managing objects.

This style of management is very common, and all leaders fall into it at times. This post isn’t about the cause of that shift (for that, read Leadership and Self-Deception). but when it occurs it reduces your team’s engagement, ownership, effectiveness, and satisfaction.:

I’ve felt this myself. At times, I’ve been managed—and managed others—like cogs in a machine. That experience, while painful, is what led me to pursue my current work: helping leaders uncover what it really means to lead.

Feedback Built on Shared Vision

Effective feedback means knowing your own vision and deeply understanding the vision of the people you lead.

When I started prioritizing that in my own leadership, I met resistance. People would say, “I only want to invest this much time in someone who’s committed to staying.” But if you don’t take time to learn their vision, the pool of “committed” people shrinks fast.

By understanding people’s personal visions, I could see who was aligned long-term and who had other goals. I could give feedback that served their growth and our team’s growth. And if the two didn’t align, I could lead them out of the organization—towards a future they were excited for—just as well as I led them in.

So where does this start? In conversations.

Have conversations with a coach. Have conversations with your team. Take time to learn what it means to lead people—not manage objects.

I haven’t always done this well. I still fall on my face. But each stumble reinforces the power of timing and relevance in feedback.

There’s more to say about feedback, and I’ll share more next week. For now, remember this:

You can’t lead what you don’t understand. That includes your own vision—and theirs.